Come single belle and beau, unto me pay attention
Don't ever fall in love, 'tis the devil's own invention
For once I fell in love with a maiden so bewitching
Miss Henrietta Bell down in Captain Kelly's kitchen.

Sing too-ra loo-ra lie
Singing too-ra loo-ra ladie
Sing too-ra loo-ra-la
Singing too-ra loo-ra ladie.

At the age of seventeen I was prenticed to a grocer
Not far from Stephen's Green where Miss Henri's used to go sir
Her manners were so fine, she set me heart a-twitchin'
When she invited me to a hooley in the kitchen.

Sunday bein' the day we were to have the flare-up
I dressed meself quite gay and I frizzed and oiled me hair up
The Captain had no wife and he'd gone off a-fishin'
So we kicked up high-life below stairs in the kitchen.

Just as the clock struck six we sat down to the table
She handed tea and cakes and I ate what I was able
I had cakes with punch and tay till me side had got a stitch in
And the time passed quick away with our courtin' in the kitchen.

With me arms around her waist, she slyly hinted marriage
When to the door in dreadful haste came Captain Kelly's carriage
Her looks told me full well and they were not bewitchin'
That she wished I'd get to hell, or somewhere from the kitchen.

She flew up off me knees, full five feet up or higher
And over head and heels threw me slap into the fire
Me new Repealer's coat that I bought from Mr. Mitchel
With a thirty-shilling note went to blazes in the kitchen.

I grieved to see me duds all besmeared with smoke and ashes
When a tub of dirty suds right in me face she dashes
As I lay on the floor, the water she kept pitchin'
Till a footman broke the door and came chargin' in the kitchen.

When the Captain came downstairs tho' he seen me situation
Despite all me prayers I was marched to the station
For me they'd take no bail, tho' to get home I was itchin'
And I had to tell the tale of how I came into the kitchen.

I said she did invite me, but she gave a flat denial
For assault she did indict me, and I was sent for trial
She swore I robbed the house in spite of all her schreechin'
And I got six months hard for me courtin' in the kitchen.